December~~~

After a drudgery in semester 3, I was thinking what can be done in this extremely wonderful December. study? study? again study?ya,i did study from the day after final exam until today. i am still studying hardcore, lots to go. it makes my hairs turn grey, perhaps bald soon.

yeah. besides studying like there's no tomorrow, oh i had outingSSS~~

crappy and the-night-is-still-young-so-we-are-unwillingly-to-leave gatheringSS, Malacca food trip, movieSS(oh yeah, Jacob is more leng zai than scary pale Edward ok?), my birthday party and also Christmas party,not to forget, new year party is coming soon ~

For those who are in some other parts on the earth,enjoy your snowman!

Merry Christmas everyone~

uh huh?

yea, P is coming soon. FM is waving hands towards me as well.

working hard, playing hard, dying hard for something vital for me.

spent 2days to be sun-drenched

spent 1day enjoying Manhattan Fish Market & TGI Friday's + a super boring movie-yawning all the way.

spent 1 whole night being crappy.

spent 1day exploring Malacca nice food-it's just KRAZY~

spent few days looking at P~~

feeling guilty for stalking on fb for merely 15minutes~

*whine* pai miah~

等待

你试过吗？

我害怕。

不是害怕等待，

是害怕失去。

SER 08/09 take 1

ahah yeah....enjoying holidays huh everyone?

i am having my super nice holidays too~~

let's see....before exam, study and indulge in facebook plus a superb weird habit which is SING K! well sing k doesnt sound weird but we this kinda future actuaries had skipped class then went for redbox!! hahahah......we sing we sang ~~whenever wherever~~ as if soon we are having a somewhat important lyrics test so we gotta pratise all the time....

haha..the very first time we went redbox together.....anyway i am still thinking we just want to prove actuaries are not dummy to Mr. Ravee. we sing well , score well (some only)...dont look down us~~though we didnt sing your 'I Had A Date With Spring'...yoyo~~~

ha...we did enjoy a lot until 8something~~woohoo~~dinner time.where? THE SHIP!!!

here comes a damn good adage from chun chun who was worrying about his wallet :

‘会不会不够钱给的啊？’

‘你不够啊？现在走出去还来得及。order了而已嘛...他又不会骂你。。。'

‘他骂我不用紧，最怕他笑我。。。’

*rolling on the floor laughing....like hell*

but none of them found out this 'laughing point' and kept looking at freaky me.

woohoo~~the funniest incident is 88 was asked : 'leng zai, gam man yiu wan lui mou?'

hahaha....we taught him to give standard answer next time, ' ngo yiu tong ngo yat yong gam gou ge wo~~yao mou?''

laugh laugh laugh all the way~~

very soon comes another chance to ronda redbox again~~

after a test(is it microecon?arghh...forgot...)....celebrate wo...plus first anniversary of SER..kononnya~~

ok..this time sunway~~10 of us filled up 4rooms~~different room for different type.we have duet, ang mo songs, chinese hitz songs and 'screaming' songs....ran in and out ...fuh...

anniversary dinner at chicken bufet(few kaki ditambah)=12kaki now....woo~~12 people can argue for discount price....ha,price discrimination~~

we ate, we crapped, we talked....until ......forgot about the time~~

if were to about this SER 08/09, damn long story....

we used to get a noob reason to hang out or make some events....when we have nowhere else to go, the last resort sure goes to the 'ma lat lou-s' house.E empat satu satu~~the place where we haunt all the time~~

steamboat~birthday celebration~after-test/quiz celebration~

the most updated celebrationS were after final exam...5people in 1 go~~hoo~~~this time we have heineken~~yeah~~ngo mou zui~~ngo mou chee sin~~~

dig...dig...dig.....found some secrets~~woohoo~~~

memang crazy after exam....but not as crazy as before exam~~

life of SERians are dull during holidays~~sighing everyday~~

ha...come back to topic~now after exam, but not in holiday mood~~

i have an alarm....everyday no matter what time: duk xu ah!!!

not my mama~she is another godlike auntie~~only allow me to watch drame for 'yat zhan'..

see la~~we love schooling time~~because most of the time we are not studying~~

next sem no more motivation to attend lecture~~

我们要上课上到拿奖！！

why?

because sure the day will come?

which day?

we will be the only gang going to class although the lecturer has informed that next lesson-CANCELLED,given we are in the class when the lecturer is telling this~~

see la~~nobody can fight us~~

ok....get back to my book now~~

you know maybe it's time for miracles

窗外阴天了

音乐低声了

我的心开始想你了

电话响起了

你要说话了

还以为你心里对我有想念了

怎么你声音变得冷淡了

是你变了

是你变了

灯光熄灭了

音乐停止了

滴下的眼泪已停不住了

天下起雨了

人是不快乐

我的心真的受伤了

朋友说，他每次听这首歌都会不经意地滴下眼泪，却还硬要约下次唱K一定要合唱这首。

我还真不信他那个大男人会这么感性。

原来这首歌真的可以疗伤。

纯纯几句简单又易记的歌词是那么地贴切。

不接电话，因为声音变了。

分享喜悦的感觉没有了才收到你的一句恭喜。

病了，还是觉得没必要让你懂。

几天的不闻不问，好像已经习惯了。

没有怨，因为我做了这样的选择。

朋友说你应该这样那样，我帮你挡了。

每样都兜得美美的，一副还很幸福开心的样子。

朋友都会问你真的OK？

我真的OK吗？

我不懂了，现在只感觉心和喉咙一样痛。

damn shit

Rational people think at the margin.

dont cry over the spilt milk.

i learnt all these. fate is in hands?really?

why why why!!!???

coward,timid, fragile!!!!!

that's me~

sucks...

hell kanasai!!!!

damn!!! did badly,score badly.useless hopeless aimless now.

P(CGP=4.0)=0

P(CGP=3.7)=0

P(CGP<3.0)>0

lost....totally lost

titas=hell

prob and stat = ?

calculus = ??

stochastic = another hell

life contingency = big hell

microecon = deep hell

the joke after the last paper:

Me : shall we discuss about our subjects to be taken in next sem?

Everyone :( in silence)

Me : Oh, same as this sem,is it?

Everyone : (rolling on the floor laughing)

my joke is going to be realized. no more jokes.

exam~~

battle begins~~

when & why

It's already 2am. again. i am get used to such life. sleeping late. you know why.

when are you going to read this?

why not i email you this?

对不起，谢谢~

曾几何时，我非常自责。是我自己自私，才会对你带来伤害。我以为可以很潇洒，原来我还很在意你明不明白。原谅我无数次的谎言，减少对你的伤害可能是纯纯一个借口，可是到了现在，我们还需要知道真相吗？可能下次你再问我，我会给不同的答案，可是我依然不想伤你。

两年多后，原来你还是想知道答案。你说你了解我，我也以为你是，可是原来你还没。是我变了吗？变得会掩饰？还是你变得不了解我了？原来我们之间有一道隐形的墙，你说的。

为什么纯粹找你聊天需要理由？

为什么你要让我回忆从前？

为什么你还在讲道理？

为什么面对面我却说不出我想说的？

为什么你要问如果？

为什么你要有和别人不一样的地位？

为什么你要比较？

为什么我还是会怕你想太多？

为什么两个小时可以让我自责两年多的感觉消失了？

原来我其实很羡慕你~

原来我和你一样犯贱~

原来我高估了自己~

原来我没有后悔~

对不起，谢谢

*listen*

Listen, 
To the song here in my heart 
A melody I've start
 But can't complete  
Listen, 
o the sound from deep within 
It's only beginning 
To find release  
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard 
They will not be pushed aside and turned 
Into your own all cause you won't
 Listen....  
Listen,
 I am alone at a crossroads
 I'm not at home, in my own home
 And I tried and tried 
To say whats on my mind 
You should have known
 Oh, 
Now I'm done believing you 
You don't know what I'm feeling 
I'm more than what, you made of me 
I followed the voice you gave to me
 But now I gotta find, my own..  
You should have listened
 There is someone here inside 
Someone I'd thought had died 
So long ago  
Oh 
I'm screaming out, 
for my dreams to be heard
 They will not be pushed aside or worse
 Into your own
 All cause you won't Listen...  
 I don't know where I belong 
But I'll be moving on
 If you don't.... 
If you won't.... 
 LISTEN!!!...

bloggie~~

<无字天书>

blog page, how good if you can read my mind by merely a stare?

feeling bad.

saturday blue.

fail to privatize this blog still it's not publicized.

Good luck and all the best to you all.

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,

When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,

Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class

And had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,

He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar

and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured

them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively

filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,

'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - family,

children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –

Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,

'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,

You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play With your children.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --

The things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,

there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

complicated~

human's mind is complicated? yeah, i suppose.

somehow we should recognize this naked truth.

people cant think wisely when they are in rage.

people start losing control when they cant think wisely.

people start shouting at each other like there's no tomorrow when they lose control.

this attributes to kinda arguments and quarreling.

end up with a mind full of hatred.

part 1:

being deceitful is wicked. if i were you, he's dick-less now.

trying to be friendly as a mistress is an act of

shame.you this brazen hussy. slap slap slap~~

part 2 :

your face is my aversion.

your voice is loathsome.

your tear is annoying.

stop it, bitch! you are not capable at all~~Dont say hi to me~~it's provoking~~

Awfully sorry for incessant vulgarities~~

taiwan tea

place i relax

place i study

place i enjoy in late noon

again...we are hopeless,useless....

monday is the only day we attend lecture without absence.

Subject : Life contingencies

Lecturer : Mr. Rxxxx Mxxxx (full time actuary,ASA, US graduate, part time lecturer)

he taught us Financial Maths in Sem2.

and killed me in final exam by his butterfly (kind of financial derivative), luckily i can still get a good grade.

"for those actuarial students, i repeat, for those actuarial students, you all should be good in bla bla bla.....''

''we actuaries should be good, we are smart people....'' OMG

right after first test of Life contingencies,

"what's this?rubbish? BS!! you know BS? it's bullshit!! you all shouldnt take actuarial science. go home and think about it. you all should be doing home science. you know home science? it means cooking!!''

today,

''you all dont like to do homework. next week is the second test, cover until life annuities. i dont know when you all can finish up to 71 questions. i am worried while you all are not worried.''

''you all are far away behind if compared to those undergraduates from US universities...you lose half way behind before you go for an interview. government services?arh....forget about it...''huh?

p/s :Edmund, are you happy to hear this?

''if you are hardworking, you can see all these kind of questions in SOA(Society of Actuaries) manual.but you all dont like to do homework....''

start mumbling throughout the whole class whenever he is unhappy. suddenly popped out something unpleasant in the middle of lecture.

arrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!!

always demotivate us.....my ''little tiny soul'' cant afford to stand all these!!!

stressed up!! Give up? No!!

i am motivated now, immunized by his 'polite vulgarities'.

fight until the end against all odds.

说好的 幸福呢？

i can see the love shining in your eyes,

and it comes as such a sweet surprise,

if seeing's believing its worth the wait,

so hold me and tell me its not too late,

we're so good together,

we're starting forever now.

and i miss you like crazy.

my beloved PTUM09

feeling to write about PTUM09.

we shouldnt blame on anyone, anymore.

here's the full stop of it.

it's over.

it leaves us memories, bitter as well as sweet.

come on cheers~~

we are still in a great family...

we are the LEGEND!!

curly~~

finally it ends...

1 hectic week just passed..it ends in a blink of an eye, PTUM expo + exhibition as well as cultural night. unremitting efforts finally fruit our legend. many conflicts throughout the events, still we have done it! we won applause!! i am proud as an executive of PT09!!

there are lots to share with, what we have gone through, experienced, worked out, enjoyed, learnt....lots lots. not to forget, we EXPO always has the best AJKs to me. they did as much as we did, and they did it very well.

we all love EXPO!!

9months of efforts are paid off with a great success. i am pretty satisfied and happy after all.

yeah...what? gotta miss those moments soon!!

To you my best friend

when the first time you told me you are following my blog, i guess you might have 1 too...but i didnt ask further, i bet you are privatizing it. after few months, finally i read it.

shocked to read 1 of those where you blog about me. sorry to say i never meant to cause any hard feeling. i was just in blue alright?

been looking both you together for years, never expect such thing happened on both you. who to blame? i am sad to see you being tortured, again and again.

i never suggest on how you should do to him. your feeling and health is always my main concern (also stop stop's).we all care about you. never ever torture yourself.

i have lots to share with you actually, like what we used to do last time. non-stop crapping...

many times i hide myself, mostly because i dont like to talk. and i seldom talk about myself lately.

everyone is busy. study or activities or both. lots incidents happened on me, unexpectedly. causing me to be emo all the time.

again, sorry and you are always my best friend. i am always your listener.

happy,laugh together ; sad, cry together.

nothing

wondering since when i only write about sadness,

i dont feel happy at all?

seems optimistic, think positively.

in fact who the hell i am after all?

never belittle yourself.

have faith.

soul-less

exhausted for few weeks.lack of sleep.i need a break but i am not allowed to do so.

waiting waiting waiting.....few weeks to go.

expo------> study like there's no tomorrow-------->final exam------>SOA paper on the go

someone please motivate me.

kirara

Dreaming of you,do i have to cry for you?

i miss you like crazy,miss you like crazy.

nothing's gonna change my love for you

Kirara

enjoy

PTUM 09-stress.

Actuarial science-left behind.

someone-i miss you like crazy, by Natalie Cole.

adapted and enjoying.

say good luck to me.

finger crossed.

A great lesson-快樂製造機

前幾天到內湖聽一場演講，讓我印象最深刻的是主講者朱平先生，分享如何讓自己做個「快樂製造機」，他談到他每天早晨都會去逛傳統市場，每天都會製造一些快樂給賣菜的老闆們。

比如他買了23元的菜，拿30元給老闆，說「老闆，23元算25元，找我5元就好。」這些老闆們反應大致上有四種反應──

第一種：起初非常驚訝，之後非常開心地找了5元，說謝謝。

第二種：老闆堅持找7元，不佔客戶便宜，但老闆很開心。

第三種：是多送點蔥蒜 ，也很開心。

第四種：是最高竿的反應 ，「不然我幫你湊30元好了，一共是32元，算你30元就好。」


哇，真是高手，原本是要讓老闆佔便宜的，反過來卻讓客戶多買又有佔便宜的感受，更是個「快樂製造機」。



前日傍晚? A我逛傳統黃昏市場時，決定玩一下朱先生的遊戲，暫時改了殺價習慣，想創造點快樂給老闆們。我到一家以前常殺價、討斤兩的攤販前，買了157元的青菜，結帳時，剛好聽到菜販老闆說了一個笑話，非常好笑，我非常愉快地說：「老闆，你好幽默，你的笑話很好笑，157元算160元，這裡是160元，不用找了。」老闆笑了，說：「這怎麼可以，不然妳還需要甚麼，我送妳。」老闆便送我一大塊嫩薑。後來到了另一家買甜不辣29元，拿30元給老闆，我說：「阿伯，29元算30元，不用找了。」老闆有點訝異，一時之間反應不過來，還是找了1元給我，我笑笑地把1元還給他，說不用找，他趕緊又多放了一塊甜不辣給我，從他驚訝轉而高興的表情，我知道我做到了。


回家的路上，我嘴角掛著微笑，哼著歌。睡前在日記裡寫下：「算一算，我多花了4元，賺到了甚麼？

1.賺到了好心情；

2.賺到了老闆的笑容；

3.賺到了老闆的謝意；

4.賺到了老闆的友誼；

5.賺到了一塊嫩薑和一塊甜不辣；

6.賺到了愉快的晚餐。」


當我們決心要當個「快樂製造機」時，就會感染對方，形成一個良性的影響，讓更多週遭的人像我們一樣，成為「快樂製造機」。

下個月發薪水，

你跟老闆講﹕
「三萬八算三萬五就好!!!!」

老板也許會湊足四萬給你 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lost in somewhere

feeling disappointed when you are not there,no mails,no messages,no calls.

feeling to hug you tightly whatever happened.

only your hug can settle me down.and you know this very well.

please come back to me.

i need you so much.

sorry

i'm sorry to say, your parents are selfish. i apologise for what i have done to you although it's absolutey unfair to you. i need sometime to recover from this. i regret over this after all.

grown up

人生偶有坎坷，不可能风平浪静。

patience

有时有些事，你等一辈子也不会等到。

regret

the first time i saw his tears. i know he is suffering as much as i do. i cant help out anything. i am regret for my own fault. i am nervous to face the consequences all alone. i hope to hear from him soon. i am waiting all the time.

never worry about me. i can go through all these.

grey zone

i was late to exam today. the stupid rapidkl driver was late,why? waited for half an hour to get in, then the bus is stopped at LRT station for 20 minutes. damn it. it was already 1.50pm and my exam is started at 2pm. the traffic wasnt smooth and it takes at least 15 minutes to reach UM. well, i was late, for sure. somemore we were caught in traffic jam somewhere in front of the law faculty due to the convocation. sigh...luckily i was late for merely 5 minutes or else .... i shall curse someone again.

feeling dont like to talk much lately. mad at someone or somebody easily. i have lots to talk, but i dont have the mood to talk. there are many obstacles in front of me right now, i wish i could settle everything pretty well. i never expect anything, i dare not to think. there are both angel and devil inside my brain. studying life contigencies all the way but in fact, what's the formula to predict my next second?

lonely tears

i can control myself very well.

but i was almost burst out on the day which was supposed to be a happy day to us.

sorry for it in all of a sudden.

it had been for a few days i dropped them on my tutorial papers apparently.

i am not tough enough to walk through all these alone.

i can hardly be strong and self-dependent.

i dont speak what i think because it might hurt.

i cry because i am hurt.

i am selfish to let go what we have built up so far.

no,not selfish,just somewhat stupid.

i am willing to be stupid in such a way, indeed.

kiss the rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so6ExplQlaY

tears halted halfway as happiness conquering my feelings vaguely.

out of difficulties,makes miracle

how far do u agree with this adage?

i am going to proof it.

what to say?

spent only 2 nights in hillpark this week.i am afraid of schooling time,meeting hour.

have to worry about food.about transport.about study.about expo.about myself.

cant stop worrying and feeling guilty most of the time.

lots of miscommunications lately.and lose control easily.a 'not-so-important' friend of mine told me it's common recently as most of us start shouting at each other whenever in rage.

what a pity scene.

feeling i've been lost contact with old friends for quite a long time.

i know some of them are back.some of them are leaving.

good luck people, and all the best.sorry for my long absence.

frus week

hectic life for one whole week.

cant concentrate in lecture.

cant do tutorials.

cant understand what the hell stochastic is.

cant get my jobs done well.

cant control my own temper.

wonder why i am torturing myself.

finally i get to know how important communication is.

yet some funny jokers are still in the dark about it.

went three meetings today.

meetings duration are even longer than time i spent in lecture hall.

conflicts within the committee members lead our meetings to the almost-boiling point.

well,i feel released,anyway.finally i voiced it out.

tired.

just blog

ha...back to hillpark again....finally i brought my table and chair.er...gotta thank Dr. Leow for donating me the chair.hmm....at least i get something done for myself after one week using bed as table.moving out from college and staying here with some friends isn't as happy as i think.papa and mama keep complaing about this place....i dont want to tell what i had been gone thru here for merely one week which could drive me crazy and feel regret after all.but for sure,i will settle down using my own ways no matter how.i need time.the beginning of everything always seems as the worst situation for me.it means things will become easier and easier to be controlled,hopefully.

sometime some kinda weird stuffs keep floating in my mind.i wish i could express my thoughts thru words in blog.well,when i come to criticizing something and the person or people i am complaining about might have following my blog, and i dont like to cause hard feeling with anyone else,so what should i do?

hey dude,i am kind ok?

been thinking of this problem for days and finally i am cured.

because,

this noon went big apple desa parkcity.haha...with the one i like the most!!

dadada....!!

he's my cousin's son..cutie John John!!!

haha..

mood becomes good just by looking at his photos.

1st week @ 3rd semester

Saturday morning....just woke up from ling's bed,in 9th college.wow...such a great feel right here.last night we had movies together in Sri Cempaka 4-13.ha...so-called 'porn'.well,it's just kinda romance.

visited my ex-roommies....no big difference..still in the same shape....

miss my time in this college so much now.

my first week in this sem just ended like nobody knows.meeting and meetings everyday.exhausted...

actuarial battle

these few days was busying to add and drop the subjects we have taken due to the limited quantity of availability.stochactic..finally i got it after the first lesson.the lecture hall is full in fact(including us who attended the class illegally.)however,the lecturer did not allow us to register manually.well,many students who are in the same case had registered the tutorial class.haha...if i were not queueing for the registration there,i might think there's a bonanza falling and people were pushing each other just to write their precious name on the paper.sigh...what a pity scene...

still,until today some of my course mates haven't got a chance to slip into the class legally.

as well as regression analysis, same case.i have no worry since i have not taken statistic which is the pre-requisite.

they were scolding the lousy system for limiting the number of students accepted.we actuarial students gotta suffer lots in third year if we dont take either these 2 subjects earlier.hmm....

suddenly recall something interesting said by deputy higher education minister,Dr. Hou Kok Chung during lunch with us yesterday.he meant UM is good(few of us were laughing), how many universities can provide good students in bad situation.haha...we laughed even louder.but it's true.we dont criticise our own university.we will be the laughing stock but not the university.yeah...we learnt a lot in the conversation.(even much more than what we learnt in calculus III as we skipped class for the lunch with Dr. Hou.)

today started the first lesson of life contingency,taught by an actuary who taught us financial maths in last sem.a strict yet funny indian man.the first lesson in life cont was learning on how to predict people die.arghh.....fun..

first week of second year in actuarial major,touching insurance,finance and economic...new things coming in....

be prepared for the next battle....

i'm blue

my working time in clinic finally comes to an end.

thanks to Loh for your McD meal....

thanks to Yap for the farewell party....

thanks to Wan for telling me i am such kind-hearted person to you....

thanks to Dr. Leow for letting us to make fun of you when you were bullying Wan...

thanks to Dr. Chew for telling me how to do pap smear....

July starts...

Sem 3 starts...

I am senior for junior...junior for senior...

I give up FM....

21 credit hours this sem...

gotta take bus to uni this sem....alone....

activities : hell lots

$$ : not well-controlled

time : lack of

mood : BLUE

people i am not happy,please make me laugh.

scare

June is going to end soon.i haven't made up my mind.
feeling afraid of the scary moments coming towards me.

confidence level = 0

insomnia visiting me...
running nose waving hand to me...
headache saying hi to me....
money going away from me....
problems confessing to me...
feeling psychotic...

H1N1

taken the vaccination, 30bucks .... feeling sick....especially muscle pain...
fever....sore throat with phlegm...headache....running nose....lost appetite....
suffering.....
sigh....

exhausted

being informed to attend the quan zhong hua camp which is a camp held for secondary schools chinese language society leaders.as the special event coordinator,i am 'forced' to attend the camp for 3days in new era college, kajang. hell..kinda rush to decide since i was informed in last minute and feeling to kill the people...

well,after a long discussion with my partner, ling,finally we decided to attend no matter what to prove

WE AREN'T USELESS!!! and we are responsible.

yeah,i know we aren't all the time,anyway...

long cold night...we didn't sleep well...i just fell asleep on the bench until the morning.then we gotta fetch those little kids from the ktm station.to and fro in between new era and kajang ktm station for times in 2days!!!taken ktm for 4 hours!!! (we went twice)

now i'm seriously lack of sleep...

just now sleeping in train,almost 'unloaded' ourselves at the right station...

walking zombie is back!!!

Remind : never provoke me or you're gonna bear the risk of all consequences.

risk is our games

http://umactuarialscience.blogspot.com/2009/05/2nd-sem-review-aimay.html

chickenlicious

chicken breast that costs 30 bucks..what can i say?it's just yummy!!

sweat

went PBCUM discussion camp.initially planned to follow until the last day.but i only spent 1 day there.feeling so bored and helpless.cant get into the topics discussed as i am still new.hmm...enjoyed myself doing nothing for a whole day in the air-cond living hall only.
late at night,playing truth or dare.my only mission is to answer those silly questions or just complete those stupid tasks.

this morning..again..discussing something that i do not know...
sweating all the way ....
ling,resign?
we shall...

after few days

After i quit donation drive,
after i start working,
before going to pbcum camp,
the only adjective can describe my feeling is happy.
as happy as two years back.
the time i spent my time so wisely.yeah,fu said it's fruitful.ya..i like the word.FRUITFUL!!
feel younger.
feel happier.
feel healthier.

i like this moment so much.

donation drive

spent few days staying in bandar sri damansara for pesta tanglung donation drive.20++ pt mates squeezing into a small apartment..haha...luckily we gals have the priority to sleep in the air-cond room.pity guys..haha..sleeping on floor for few days,queueing for bathrooms..woke up early at 5something every morning then asking for donation from those good Samaritans.. sun-drenched,tiring..with a sense of satisfaction anyway.hmm..so much to share...met some very kind and friendly aunties and uncles...also some SAKAI with parochial thinking...if i were not showing my student card,i shall fart at you...shame on you,uncles,not us as UM students....(sia sui msian saja)

every night were having dinner in the same coffee shop..haha...cincao ice only 60 cents!!my ex-students' dad's kopitiam somemore..wahaha...once an uncle took out his cellphone to take our photo...i guess he seldom sees so many siao youths drinking cincao then laughing like sakai there..haha...it's really fun when dealing booth too...free red bean soup,hibuscus tea and fruit tart...

too bad i cant stay until the last day of donation drive as 'm gonna work..wish you luck...partners!!i will visit you!!

yesterday just got maths results,not very good,not very bad...better than my expectation anyway...haha..buddy,treat you ya.it's really time to consider P or FM...SOS!!!!dare not to check my grade...congrats to my coursemates who scored well...

next week gotta go for pbcum camp...ling leaves me alone...and fung fung ,you must help me..i am still blur about my job scope...

it's already mid may..time flies...i wish i could halt for a single moment to take a deep breath..

MY honeymoon @ 1u

MY honeymoon...

enjoy ur 'tong shui' here...

nice deco....

(wondering how much the owner spent to renovate it...)

fake book rack...

sesame + almond cream

(freak taste of almond)

new artwork

<---my sis's effort.she is indulged in this kinda artwork lately.

spent about ten bucks to make a non-edible cake.hmm...i rather pay it for an edible one....haha...

but it is cute indeed...

Year 1

i ended my year 1 with a can of calsberg.

it's time to think over P or FM in next sem,either or neither?or both?

Life is HARD!!

Do you think you are loyal?
i thought i wasnt
i think i am.

How to evaluate something abstract?
use your own rule.

Do you love new things?
yes.(certainly)

If you are not going to own new things,what you will do?
make my belongings new.(how?)

kind of monolog in the above.what are is main point?the main point is:no points.haha..today become insane.luckily there's a friend who is willing to become insane with me...for more than 2 hours while both us are actually busying.lots of fun being shared.
non-stop crap.
stupid + funny topics.
kid talk.
suddenly emo.
suddenly laugh crazily.

again,today something bad emerged in my mind.
nonono...chuck it ...
force ownself from imagining something happy... insane!!!

Life is hard....

Life is unpredictable...

Life is challenging...

come what may....enjoy life until i am switched off...

P

P=probability
last paper, prob and stat on saturday...the only paper i didn prepare at all before exam starts.just because it covers only 2 chapters while i have prepared for more than that to sit for soa exam p before?no...it's because i have many days to study it after pop exam on mon.
looking at those functions....chi-square,exponential,uniform,normal,gamma,poisson and bla bla bla...familiar for me but i just couldnt recall now...people say our brain will delete some memory automatically if it upsets you too much....how does this true?i never forget...but i am just lack of confidence...
before the exam p,i am well-prepared...went with confidence...ended up how?still in a piece,luckily.but i dont believe myself anymore...i am not capable,indeed disappointing...i am just over-confident?i wonder..i doubt..for many days....
i dare not to step out anymore..just before the exam p,i scored in my p test in uni,not very good,but better than coursemates...i gained a bit confidence but the exam p deadens it...
it's too early to think of will i further in actuarial field,be an ASA?FSA?no,FSA is just too much for me...i rather be a housefly(not even housewife)...so,ASA.....wth...people studying like there's no tomorrow then pass those papers in a blink of an eye....me study like hell gotta fail everything in a blink of an eye too...how competent in this field....i am tired of it...i dont know who i can talk to...
well,people out there say..you have many options in future..study now,prepare yourself first.so does the actuarial lecturer,for those who are not actuarial-inclined,you may choose math finance or quants(is it?)...ya,i know i have chances if i am still alive,that's why i didn jump down from sheraton that day...i surrender....people also say,you are just lack of lady luck gal....i know,but why me?why cant just fair to me?people dont believe what happened to me on that day....i hope i was kidding all the way...i want to treat ling ice...i dont want her big ice...i want to treat her a super big ice plus spicy pan mee...but even this little dream is transformed into a nightmare ...
i dont know how well i can score for this exam...i dont know how long i can recover from this illness....i know people feel sad...i know i disappoint people...i tried my best...i am not brave anymore...i need time...what i am doing is try my very best again and again...

finger crossed

nightmare again

packed my stuffs out of 9th college today...last night was struggling over my fm notes..those stupid spreads..killed by bull bear butterfly....animals in math....screwed up...fully-prepared for the fm battle..then finally i fell asleep....waken up by mosquitoes in the early morning...didn sleep well...woke up in 6 something...taken shower,flipping thru those spreads and various annuities again...already knew it wont be an easy task since the actuarial lecturer will make the exam questions as tough as possible...finally i was killed by him...with butterfly....yeah...

stupid me missed out the last page...only i realised after i passed up...still i cant do it at first glance...no matter how many glances...i still dont know how to answer the question...luckily?shall i?hmm....

damn bad mood in whole morning..gotta bang wall....kill the lecturer...

the echo in my mind:you all are not good but the university wants to make you all good...

sarcastic...

everytime after the fm lessons,feeling want to bang wall or just quit...demotivated...discouraging...but i have make up my mind to continue in this field...all i have to do is hold my breath,keep my pace on...

maybe after a fortnight or so,i will change my mind...to be an optimist?

Exam!!!!stupid POP!!!!

eee....1st math exam today...8.30am exam hall...operation research(penyelesaian operasi pengenalan-a.k.a POP)...the subject which we are studying on our own...at all..

flipped over the 1st page,a bit shocked..it's kind of happiness anyway..ha,same as in the tutorial ques.luckily i had gone through it last night with half-opened-eyes.no accidents....done it...somemore,there's 1 part that i had done in pass year paper...wow....thought it is easy...thought...only..

when i started doing it...sigh...

end up...i did a stupid mistake....how can i build 500 units of Melati while i dont have so many labours?arhh,....stupid...stupid...15 marks fly.....damn it..stupid ...2credit hours....GONE!!!

tomorrow will be calculus II....4 credits hour...i dont want nightmares anymore!!!! wish me luck!!

Lessons

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

sigh

we never fight like this before...nobody's surrender willingly...feeling i was torturing u...a bit cruel yet i'm still cool to u...i am just in rage...
finally u lay bare to me,everything,from the very beginning until now....now only i realise we are lack of communication so far,just because we are trying to protect each other.
wonder how long we'd take to get back to the sweet time.

exam on mon,how much i have prepared?i have my own target.....and 'm gonna hit it...

i want a better tomorrow!!

flashback

tired of calculus...finally found something ro relax my mind...

http://aimay1812.blog.friendster.com/

fu,me and stop(my sakai gang ji mui)....we shared our stories in the previous night entirely...

so many feelings...especially when reading posts about life in kmpp....the labuan competition trip,my bday celebration(the very first time i study on my bday),our kmpp-penang trip...lots more memories where cant described thru words...more than lots of memories and hapiness are kept in my mind..

our heineken gathering at batu feringghi..... --->

^^gurney outing in sleeping attire....

seoul garden(yummy!!pharmacists can cook well too!)----->

miss those time so much...

time's up...get back to study....

innocence

i just dont understand why...i try to change,forget about those trivial stuffs and try not to hurt us.i tried to help,very willingly,but u think i am giving pressure.mind gone blank..
my fault?why?why i am always the culprit..i hate u...
i am just nothing to u....i think too much..care too much..when i was feeling down,i will be excited again over ur simply surprise...whole night i was thinking am i just too naive and easily to be tamed by u....
the last msg which i dare not to send,i can predict u wont care about it anymore and will leave me in dark alone again..which i will regret...no,never...i dont want to make myself regret anymore..
and now...i will be waiting...i wont take any initiative anymore...it's all ur decision...and dont blame me anymore...i am enough of it....

my life can be beautiful without u?i never know.

new blog

hmm...had created an account in e-blogger n years ago....but still i stick to friendster blog..finally i re-sign up a new blog account here..this is my very first blog using this account.(aha,suddenly remind me of our actuary blog.seems my dear coursemates forgot about it.)
lately love blogging whenever facing to my laptop,especially late at night in silence.
some friends said it's an act of emo.yeah,agree....always write emo blog...sounds life's only boredom and sadness...kaka