nightmare again

packed my stuffs out of 9th college today...last night was struggling over my fm notes..those stupid spreads..killed by bull bear butterfly....animals in math....screwed up...fully-prepared for the fm battle..then finally i fell asleep....waken up by mosquitoes in the early morning...didn sleep well...woke up in 6 something...taken shower,flipping thru those spreads and various annuities again...already knew it wont be an easy task since the actuarial lecturer will make the exam questions as tough as possible...finally i was killed by him...with butterfly....yeah...

stupid me missed out the last page...only i realised after i passed up...still i cant do it at first glance...no matter how many glances...i still dont know how to answer the question...luckily?shall i?hmm....

damn bad mood in whole morning..gotta bang wall....kill the lecturer...

the echo in my mind:you all are not good but the university wants to make you all good...

sarcastic...

everytime after the fm lessons,feeling want to bang wall or just quit...demotivated...discouraging...but i have make up my mind to continue in this field...all i have to do is hold my breath,keep my pace on...

maybe after a fortnight or so,i will change my mind...to be an optimist?